matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
