the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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