I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
