From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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