I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
