Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
