This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize