but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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