Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
