Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
