smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
