well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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