I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
