So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
