We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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