Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
