he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
