saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
