I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
vagina is talking i cant
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
