You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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