Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
