first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
