i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
