New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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