May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
