Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
