Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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