it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
