Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
