Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I forget how to act sober
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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