do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
