We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
