White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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