I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
