This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so let's talk penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize