I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
