They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
