yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
operation have a gay friend backfired
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
