somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
two words...techno handjob
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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