God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize