hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
