i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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