Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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