No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
