it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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