his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
