dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
