After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
