I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
