Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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