Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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