Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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