Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
