Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize