I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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