Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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