just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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