Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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