he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
