He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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