tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The best revenge is premature balding
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize