i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize