Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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