drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
