i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
