sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
