He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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